Vacation at home

 

For the past several years, I take a vacation in the fall and just stay home.  I use the time to finish all the little things that need to be done before winter.  Clean the mower deck and take it off the tractor . . . Put away the motorcycle . . . Change fluids in various vehicles . . . winterize the 5th wheel . . . Till the garden . . . and hunt!

Since my dad is retired, we take the opportunity to spend some time in the woods together.  The picture above was taken this past Monday.  My brother, dad and I all headed into the woods just after (yes, after!) daylight.  I picked a spot that I hadn’t hunted from in the last few years, but have gotten several deer from in the past.  God blessed me, as I saw four bucks.  After I shot this one, I almost drew back on another but he spotted me and veered off course.

Dad helped with the field dressing, skinning, and quartering.  I’m sure he had better things to do, but I appreciated the help!

A couple of days later we headed to the woods again, but got skunked.  Since the weather was nice, we wandered around the property a bit and looked at new placed to put up stands next year.  Then we ate lunch and headed to my Grandmother’s farm.  We set up a blind and wandered around her woods, looking for potential hot spots for the firearm opener on Sunday.  My son will be hunting with us, so we needed to find places for everyone.

All in all, it was a nice day spent with dad, and one of the highlights of my vacation.  Disneyland?  No, I’ll take the woods any day.

God’s pain

I woke up Sunday morning with a backache so bad that I couldn’t do anything but roll from my bed to my knees.  I struggled to get onto my back and try to stretch things out a bit.  After several stretches and exercises the doctor recommended, I stood up to start the day.  I really didn’t feel any better, but figured the water from a hot shower might help.

A few hours later, we were doing the “meet and greet” between worship songs.  I saw a friend and his small baby, and asked to hold her.  At the moment, I had forgotten all about my sore back, and just wanted to hold the precious child.  As the child began to fidget, I took her to the back of the assembly and stood rocking her back and forth until she fell asleep.  It was then that I began to feel the ache in my back well up into pain.  I didn’t want to put this little sleeping child down for anything,  so I tried to ignore the pain and focus on her.

It was then that I began to wonder if this was/is like the love God feels for His children.  He would rather suffer to the point of , rather than let someone take His little ones out of His grasp.  It also made me realize that God will let me out of His grasp, if it is what I will.  Like a squirming child that wants to get of his mother’s lap, sometimes we think we know best and want our freedom.  God still loves us, and watches us, but knows that it would be much better for us if we were to remain on His lap, wrapped in His arms.

Thank you Lucie, for letting me love you.  For in that love, God taught me a lesson.  And I’d suffer through many more backaches to hold you again.   And thank you Father, for letting me climb back onto your lap, time and time again.

Lessons

I have been recently studying Genesis 1 with Dillon (9) and Megan (7).  Today I was testing them about what was created on each day.  When we got to day 4, they were correct in answering that God created the sun, moon and stars.  So I asked them why God created them.  I was expecting them to say, “to govern the days, times, and seasons” or something similar.  But Dillon said that the sun represented Jesus, in that He likes to be the Light.  And Megan chimed right in that the darkness represented Satan, because he likes to do his work in the dark.

Wow!  Maybe I don’t give them enough credit for the things they know.

Not so humorous

I decided to replace the lantern that Caleb broke.  I checked on Ebay, and found one at a reasonable price.  After checking with Angie, I purchased the lantern and had the package insured.

I think that was what jinxed me.  Sure enough, the package arrived broken and I spent about 3 weeks trying to get the proper paperwork to file the claim.  As of today, I still haven’t received any money.  But the post office assures me that it’s in the mail!

A little Humor at Home

Over the weekend, the boys were throwing a ball in the house and broke something of Angie’s that was about $80. She was upset, and was trying to figure out how to discipline Caleb. (I’m not sure why she wasn’t upset with Dillon, but she wasn’t.) Anyway, she stewed over it all weekend, and by Sunday evening had gotten herself worked up into being upset at Courtney, too, for not sweeping the floors! So she decided that she would have Caleb and Courtney get on their hands and knees and scrub all the wood floors.

Although Courtney usually grumbles a bit over such things, she kept her mouth shut and just started working. Caleb, knowing that it’s better to just get it done than argue about it, started working as well. I think it got under Angie’s skin a little that they didn’t really seem to mind doing it.

All of a sudden, Dillon grabs a rag and starts helping Caleb. And feeling left out, Megan asked if she could scrub the floors, too! Of course Caleb thinks this is all hilarious, especially since he and Courtney had divided up the floor, and Megan and Dillon were working on his part. Courtney on the other hand, is telling Dillon and Megan that this is her and Caleb’s punishment, and that they CAN’T help!

Me? I’m just sitting quietly in my chair, listening to the whole thing, not knowing if I should be helping, splitting them up, giving them more to do . . . or drawing Angie a hot bath to just relax in.

The Cost

Luke 8:26-39

This story of of Jesus meeting Legion, the man with many demons.  The demons didn’t want to be d, or destroyed, so they asked to be cast into a herd of swine.  Upon entering the swine, the demons caused the swine to jump over a cliff and drown.  This upset the townspeople and they asked Jesus to leave.

I don’t know for a fact, but the swine may have been a large source of income for the townspeople.   So when they saw that having this Jesus fellow around was going to cost them, they decided they would rather have him leave.   They were looking more to their monetary possessions than to their heavenly possessions. 

Lord, help me to count the true cost of following You.

The woman healed.

Mark 4:25-34

I’ve been this woman.  Having a desire to be healed by Christ, and yet not wanting to be noticed by the crowd.  On one hand knowing that just being near to Christ will grant me the peace I need, and yet feeling that I am not worthy to be so close.

Imagine the woman’s fear when once she had touched Jesus’ clothes, and was healed, that he stopped and questioned the incident.  The synagogue ruler was waiting, since his daughter was near .  Both of these men were important, surely more important than her.  (At least in her thoughts and fears.)  But when she fell to her knees and humbled herself before Christ, he told her to go in peace, healed.

Why would I want to only get close enough to touch Jesus, when He has given me the promise to dwell within me?  The only answer I can give is the same as this woman.  Fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of what might happen.

It’s a ghost!

“It’s a ghost!” 

What does this phrase make you think?  Scary?  Funny?  Curious?  Unbelievable?

Whatever your thoughts, the disciples were afraid.  When they were in a boat, in the middle of a storm, and they thought they saw Jesus walking on the water towards them . . . they were afraid.  They must have thought that the end was near!  But Jesus told them not to be afraid.  In fact he told them to have courage!  He even asked Peter to walk toward him!

Satan places lots of “ghosts” in my life.  Often when I feel that the Lord is leading me in a certain direction, I look around and see the ghosts.  “Oh, it can’t be God asking me to do that.”, my brain will say.  Or, if I do take a step of faith and begin to follow Christ, like Peter, I start looking around at all the scary waves and I begin to second guess myself.  Luckily, Jesus is right there willing to put me back into the boat, but chastising me for not having enough faith.

I need constant reminders that God created me, and He created the ghosts.  If He asks me to do something, then He also already has a plan for the ghosts.  I need to just trust in Him, and take one step at a time. 

And laugh at the ghosts!

A prayer

Lord I surrender myself to you today.  I want you to live your life in and through me.  I want you to think with my mind, speak with my lips, work with my hands, and love others through me.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal 2:20)

No More Hiding

 

I have been trying to figure out my relationship with God for some time, so as you read this, I hope you can make some sense of what I try to write.  When I was involved with the “Institutional Church” I knew my place.  As long as I was on a committee, sung all the hymns, gave the devotional for communion once in a while, and attended frequently, I really didn’t have to question my relationship with God.  I was doing everything that was expected of me.  And no one ever questioned my relationship, so apparently all seemed well from the outside.

 

But inside something was missing, no matter how much I was involved with “church”.  I began to realize that being busy for God wasn’t the same as being in a relationship with God.  So I backed out of all the things I was involved in, and tried to just focus on the people.  (Love God, Love Neighbor)  But after several months of this new way of looking at things, I still lacked something.  I wasn’t being fed.  Or maybe I was like the horse led to the trough, and I wouldn’t drink.  I’m not really sure.  Maybe it was me, maybe it was them, maybe it was a combination.  But what I was lacking in myself I was seeking to discover in others.  That being a genuine relationship with God.  I didn’t expect to magically know God just by talking with other Christians, but I was hoping to discover their secrets to knowing God, how they related with Him, how they discerned His leading, etc.  But I came up empty. 

 

This severely discouraged me, and I found reasons to not go to church at all.  Or even meet with other Christians.  I worked all the overtime I could, and used the excuse that it’s easier to work 7 days a week, than working 5 or 6 and getting a day off which messed up my sleep schedule.  It is/was true, but it was used as an excuse.  I read Christian books, but they also discouraged me, because it seemed to only promote something that I couldn’t attain.  Or at least something I couldn’t get my head around, and yet couldn’t find anyone to discuss it with.  So I just seemed to falter between not really doing anything different than I ever had, and yet not being filled.  I’d pray once in a while or read the bible when something interested me and I wanted to study it.  Basically I approached God from an intellectual perspective.  Someone/something to study and learn about.

 

I should mention that I asked God several times to show me His way.  “What is it you are trying to get me to learn?”  “Why am I so dense?”  “Open my eyes to your leading.”  But all my prayers seemed to bounce off the ceiling.

 

So this past fall, with the overtime slowing down, I began to go to church again.  What else was I supposed to do when my  wife and kids were going anyway?  How would it look from the eyes of my children to see Dad sleep in while they were required to go to church?  Remember, I have teenagers that don’t want to go either!  To be honest, I don’t get much out of it, but I do like singing to God.  Praising Him helps my soul find some release. 

 

So this past week of vacation I have been honestly evaluating myself.  I am realizing that I have been hiding from God.  Hiding in plain sight, so to say.  I have been doing the “Christian thing”, without really giving my heart to God.  I wanted the relationship that some others have, but have been scared of it at the same time.  “What might it cost?”  “Will God expect me to do something I’m not comfortable with?”  These and other questions would arise every time I’d begin to seek God.  So I would blend back in to the sea of Christians without committing myself, all the while wondering why God wasn’t revealing Himself.  You see, it’s easier to blame God than to look into my own heart.

 

Yesterday, God revealed this all to me.  Have you seen the movie “Facing the Giants”?  I’m not ashamed to say that I cried all the way through it.  As I saw the main character struggle with God, he continued to trust and love God no matter what.  He was determined that his fear would not overcome his faith.  And I realized that fear is what is keeping my faith from growing.  I’m secure in my little bubble of work/home/family.  I thank God for them, and work hard to keep them all intact.  Part of me knows that it’s how God made me.  I’m a provider through and through.  But part of me also knows that they provide my security, not necessarily God. 

 

When Courtney was diagnosed with diabetes, it really didn’t shake me since I knew we had good insurance and good doctors.  Other than a life change, we would be alright.  Then my overtime dried up right as we were using all of it to try to pay the house off in two years.  So we had little savings when GM began talking about possible bankruptcy.  My work/family/home bubble was floating dangerously close to a big blue spruce tree!

 

I’m not out of the woods yet, but I am beginning to realize in my heart of hearts that I need to draw close to God whatever that means.  I can’t wait for Him to draw near, for He is already waiting.  I am the one who needs to seek Him without reservation.  I’m tired of hiding.